Day 5, Thursday, Nov. 18th

I knew I absolutely had to get out of bed today.  I went back to taking the painkillers every 4 hours and that seems to have helped because although I am still dizzy when I first get up, I'm not passing out or getting tunnel vision like I had been yesterday.  Plus the doctor decided to push me along by removing my catheter first thing in the morning.  Now I had to get out of bed!  

I am pumping every 3 hours to get my milk to come in and will continue to do that until Tate is able to nurse.  I had lots of colustrum the first night (really good stuff for the baby- high nutritional value) the first night after the c-section but after that was gone I just have to wait for my milk to come in.  A little frustrating to pump and not produce anything but I know it's normal for it to take a few days.  I'm starting to get a little bit of milk though so that's encouraging.  I absolutely want to breastfeed Tate (Hudson nursed till he was 21 months and I plan on doing the same with Tate) but that is still a ways down the road so for now I will pump every 2-3 hours and they give him the breastmilk through his feeding tube.  In a week or two he'll hopefully be able to bottlefeed but the NICU nurse told me today that actual nursing will be last because that can be too stimulating for them.

By lunch I had been able to get up to the bathroom a few times and to the NICU once (in a wheelchair).  We were able to hold Tate again for one of our 2 times each day and that's when we got the video of him that I posted earlier.  It was amazing to see his little eyes pop open as soon as he heard Jamie's voice.  And he responded to my voice as well.  His left eye seems to be easier for him to open than his right so it's always open first but if we talk to him long enough he'll eventually get them both open and look at us.  I am not sure how much he can actually see at this point, since newborns can't see very far and I don't know if preemies have even worse eyesight or not but he is definitely looking at us.  I also noticed that he seems to respond to the monitors and alerts that go off in the NICU.  Occasionally when one goes off he'll startle a little or his eyes will pop open.  So those are all good things to see him doing.  At this point they haven't tested his eyesight or hearing or anything like that, but it was encouraging to me to notice him responding already.

In the afternoon I was feeling well enough to take a shower and the dizziness was pretty much gone so they removed my IV for me too.  It felt wonderful to get the hospital gown off and put on some of my own clothes, wash my hair, scrub all the tape residue from IV's, blood pricks and shots off my arms and I took my bandage off my incision.  That was the first time I saw it and I about passed out just looking at it.  I can't believe I have staples in my belly.  Gross, disgusting, painful.

 

I was able to go in and see Tate several times throughout the day.  We are only allowed to hold him twice a day so the other times we just stop in and look at him and talk to him a little bit through the incubator.  If we go during assessment times (every 3 hours) we can watch him eat, get his temp taken, and diaper changed.  We like to try to go at these times because all the rest of the time he is under the UV lights and has the mask over his face to protect his eyes.  Late last night his IV came out of his head so they moved it to his foot.  I like that much better!  I got to change his diaper twice today.  Like any little boy, he peed all over the place the first time I changed him!  

We have had a wonderful NICU nurse, Nicole, these first 3 nights that we have really liked.  She's really good about telling us everything she is doing to him, what test results came back and what's going on with him.  The others have all been fine but we have really liked her.  So we went back to hold him again in the evening after her shift had started.  

Tate's blood work has always came back negative for any infections (as did mine) so they decided today that he didn't have to have any more IV antibiotics.  He lost 2 oz initially (totally normal for any infant) but today he had gained 1 oz back!  Because he is doing so well eating they are increasing the amount he  gets every 12 hours.  So they started giving him 3 ml, every 3 hours and he's now up to 5 ml, every 3 hours.  Then if he tolerates that (digests it fine, doesn't spit up, have reflex, etc.) they'll increase it in 12 hours to 6 ml.  He did spit up once last night but other than that he's digesting it all great and not having any problems.  His bilirubin levels were back down to 5 (the highest they have been so far was 6.7).  They want them to be close to zero and anything over 5 they treat with the UV lights.  Even though he's back down to 5 Nicole thought they'd keep him under the lights for about another week to get them down as low as possible.  Tate doesn't like having the mask on and he wiggles it off his eyes and down around his mouth all the time.  Today they also moved his feeding tube from his mouth to his nose.  It will stay in easier there but it's also good news because they were leaving it in his mouth in case they had to hook up oxygen through his nose but since his breathing has been so good they don't think he'll need any oxygen support.   

They have "mother" rooms here that I am allowed to stay in 24 hours a day once I am released from the hospital.  Dr. Jensen was in this afternoon and said I would go home tomorrow.  I am absolutely in no hurry to go home since Tate is here but I know I can't stay forever.  After we left the NICU Nicole gave us a tour of those rooms and got me a code for the doors.  There are 3 rooms with a bed in them, then a community bathroom, kitchen area and living room with a TV.  I just really wish they were "parent" rooms instead of just for mothers.  Jamie isn't allowed to go into them at all and it would just be nicer if the 2 of us could stay somewhere together but at least there's somewhere for me.  Jamie said he'll just sleep in the waiting room or just sit by Tate all night if he has too.  My other concern about the mother rooms is they are located directly next to the Senior Behavioral Health Unit.  There's a big sign on the door that says "Elopement Risk: do not let anyone out these doors" or something like that.  So I'm not sure I want to sleep in there all by myself. :)  

I felt, for the first time, like we really bonded this evening with Tate.  He was awake for awhile and looking at us and it just finally felt like things were "normal".  Our new normal, anyways.  So I was definitely on an emotional high when we got back to our room after spending an hour with him.   But of course those emotions lead to the others when I start thinking about leaving, and figuring out a schedule for coming back and how often we should be here.  Still haven't figured out much more about it - I guess we'll just figure it out a day at a time.  I won't be able to drive for 2 weeks so someone will have to bring me up here all the time anyways so that makes it even more complicated.  They are saying I'll go home tomorrow (Friday) and I 'm just not ready for that.  I was really hoping I could stay till Saturday, although one more day isn't going to make much difference.  I still have to leave without him whichever day it is.  

The sign that is on his incubator.

Without his IV in his forehead, feeding tube in his nose.  His nose is red from rubbing from his UV mask.

Family picture (minus Hudson) :(

Proud Daddy!

Tate's "room"

Totally in love with our little man

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Day 4

Definitely the roughest day physically.  I just have to say, having done a natural vaginal birth and now a c-section - I would never voluntarily choose to have a c-section.  I have never had any kind of surgery before, or even a broken bone, so this kind of pain is very different from anything I have ever experienced. And I never want to experience it again.  Wow.   Although I tried to get out of bed several times I was way too dizzy to stand up for more than a minute or two before I had to lay back down.  So that was rough cause I was really trying hard to get up so I could go see Tate but was getting really frustrated that I couldn't do it.  We thought it was from the painkillers I was taking so I didn't take any after 10 am hoping ot get it out of my system.  But the dizziness was just as bad by 6 pm, which should have been plenty of time for it to clear out of my system, so we decided to try taking the painkillers again. 

Jamie went in to see Tate every couple hours and kept coming back with good reports.  Today they started feeding him (breastmilk that I have been pumping) through a feeding tube.  He gets 3 ml every 3 hours.  He still is breathing great on his own.  His bilirubin levels were a little high so they do have him under UV lights to get that down.  They also are allowing us to hold him 2 times a day now - once every 12 hours - for about 30 minutes, as long as he tolerates the stimulation okay.  So Jamie got to hold him for the first time about 3 pm this afternoon. He also got to change his diaper. 

By evening I was determined to get to the NICU to hold Tate.  I told Jamie he could just pick me up, throw me in the wheelchair, revive me if I pass out, and then wheel me down there.  I didn't care by that point - I just wanted to get down there.   The night nurse did promise that if I didn't make it down in the wheelchair she would wheel my bed down once things slowed down.  But I took a painkiller with dinner and although I was still really dizzy when I got up, I made it to the wheelchair without passing out and once I sat there for a little bit was feeling good enough to go down to the NICU. 

I was able to hold him for about 15 minutes and he woke up a little and looked at me. His eyes are the same grey color Hudson's were when he was a baby.  And he has Hudson's nose and lips as well, I think.  He definitely reminds me of Hudson when he was a newborn.  His IV in his arm did come out so they moved it to a vein in the front of his head.  I do not like looking at that.  Looks painful but they said it's usually the best place and the easiest one to keep in.  They fed him while we were there.  They suction his stomach every time before they feed him the next feeding to make sure that he is digesting his food okay and he is doing fine with that.  

The goal for tomorrow is to get myself out of bed and walking.  I'm kind of torn about it because I know once I am up and moving they'll send me home and I don't want to leave since I have to leave without Tate.  So the longer I am here is okay with me so that I can see him more often and easily.  I am dreading leaving the hospital without him and still trying to figure out what we do from here.  How often do we come back to visit?  How long do we stay?  They have "mother" rooms that I can stay in 24 hours so should I stay in those for awhile?  Just lots of questions....

 

Hudson bought this little monkey for his baby brother.  He got it at Build A Bear and when you squeeze its tummy it has a recording inside it that is Hudson saying "I love you baby brother!"   Of course, the monkey is like 3 times the size of Tate!

Tate Christian Stinemetz

The Cesarean

The first thing I noticed in the operating room was how small the operating table was. Then the fact that there were a lot of people in the room. They had me sit up on the side of the table and hunch my back up for the spinal. I sat there for what seemed like forever before they got it done. Of course, it didn’t help that I was still contracting this whole time and having a hard time focusing on any one thing. But as soon as they laid me back I could feel my toes going numb and pretty soon I couldn’t feel my stomach or the contractions anymore. They tilted the table back so that the spinal would run up my chest a little higher since I was still feeling sharp pin pricks. That part was awful cause I felt like I couldn’t breathe and was getting nauseous. But pretty quickly they righted the table up and then draped the curtain over me and got to work. There were about 12 people in the room because there was a group from the NICU waiting to take the baby as soon as he was delivered. But before they start they did what’s called a “timeout” and asked me my name and what I wanted Dr. Jensen to do to me. Guess they just have to keep confirming I am the right person and in the right frame of mind for the surgery. They did this just before the spinal too.


The first thing Dr. Jensen did was mark my belly with a pen for the incision. Then he turned and gave Jamie the pen and said “here’s a free pen from St. Joe.” Then he got to work. All I could feel was pressure, pulling and tugging, but there wasn’t any pain. It only took a minute or two before they said “I see toes” and the baby was out. At this point they told Jamie he could start watching and he stood up and started taking pictures. I was laying there watching him take pictures thinking “I don’t think that’s allowed yet”. Sure enough, a nurse came over and told him he couldn’t take pics yet – but he got a few great ones of the baby coming out and they didn’t confiscate our camera…The next thing I heard was the baby crying. Most wonderful sound on earth since that meant his lungs could handle that. And he kept crying and crying. They immediately took him to the next room and the NICU team went to work on him. Jamie followed them but came back really quickly holding the baby all wrapped in a blanket and put him on my chest. He was still crying and looked like a wrinkly, old man but totally perfect. Jamie said he was doing great on all his vitals and breathing on his own which was why they let him bring him back in to show me. He stayed on my chest for a minute or two and then they took him up to the NICU.

Stitching me up seemed to take forever. Dr. Jensen let the resident do most of it and they just stood up there joking about taking out my gallbladder or spleen while they were in there. I asked for a tummy tuck but they said I didn’t need one! There was lots of pulling while they stitched me back together and I haven’t actually even seen what the cut or stitches look like yet. Jensen did say the cord was a little short but nothing that should have caused any problems and that the placenta looked fine. So we still don’t really know why all this happened. Dr. Jensen did mention that by the time he got in there I was already dilated to an 8.  So with how small the baby was, if he hadn't been breech, I probably could have delivered him in another 30 minutes or maybe even less, considering how fast I progressed.  Very frustrating for me. Especially now going through the pain of the c-section. 
I was in recovery for about 2 hours. Very sleepy and weird as I slowly got the feeling back in my legs and body. I could already wiggle the big toe on my right foot when we got into recovery but it took quite a while before I could wiggle the one on my left. I kept trying to move my feet, lift my legs but couldn’t do it. That’s a weird feeling. Jamie was back and forth telling everyone how we were doing, checking on the baby and checking on me. At 7 pm they rolled me back to my room. Normally they roll the mom through the NICU and let her see the baby before taking her to her room but because he was born in the late afternoon he was admitted during a shift change so they weren’t ready for us to come in yet. So they took me back to the room and it was 11 pm before he was ready. So they rolled my bed back out and into the NICU and we got to spend 15 minutes or so with him there. We weren’t able to hold him or touch him – he was in the incubator sleeping. But all his vitals were looking great and most importantly he was breathing on his own still. The nurse answered lots of questions for us about everything they were doing and what they were testing. He hasn’t had to be on oxygen or have assistance with his breathing at all. They were able to just put an IV in through a vein instead of one in the umbilical cord like most preemies have. She said not to be surprised if it gets moved around because they are hard to keep in those tiny veins. Right now it’s in his arm. He is regulating his own body temperature really well and all of his other stats are looking good. His blood type is O negative (like mine) which means I don’t have to take another Rhogam shot. Hudson was O positive (like Jamie) so I had to have the shots with him and it was one thing the neo-natologist was really worried about. If his blood had been different than mine and ours had accidentally mixed during delivery (like if the placenta tore from the wall) he could have had to have had blood transfusions. But thankfully none of that happened and he had my same blood type anyways.

After we saw him in the NICU they took me back to my room and, after I pumped for the first time, we thanked God for bringing us both through the surgery and that the baby was so strong, and went to bed. I was exhausted and I have to admit, it felt so good to be able to sleep on my back again!

Day 3

The day began innocent enough. Had a pretty good night’s rest in my new bed in the postpartum section and they did a test strip on the baby and me first thing in the morning. Although I was feeling some tightening and thought I might be having a few contractions, nothing showed on the monitor and the baby’s heart still looked great.


They also came in and did a bio physical profile on the baby. It’s a sonogram that lasts 30 minutes but rather than measuring baby’s size and those kind of things they give the baby an “internal” APGAR score based on the things he does. I am not sure exactly everything they were looking for but some of it was movement, the baby’s chest inhaling and exhaling, fluid levels, etc. We knew up front we wouldn’t get a perfect score since I didn’t have much fluid left, but the baby did great on everything else.

What I had thought was going to be the highlight of my day was finally getting to take a shower. It felt wonderful to wash my hair – I had one of those permanent creases across the back of my head from wearing it in a ponytail for so many days. Plus since I wasn’t on constant monitoring anymore I was able to put on some of my own clothes rather than continuing to wear the wonderful hospital gown. So we did all of that by noon and I was feeling really good.

This was also Jamie’s first time to go back to work. He was working from 2-6 pm and had 20 patients scheduled from having cancelled all the patients on Monday. So he left about 1 to go to work and my mom and Gammy were with me for awhile and then left so I could take a nap. Before they left I had noticed that I had started leaking a lot of fluid again but I talked to the nurse and she said it could just be the way I was sitting and then when I moved it was coming out. So she wasn’t concerned. So I decided to lay down and read and I hadn’t been laying down for more than 5 minutes before the first contraction hit. And this was a painful one – hard enough I had to do some breathing through it. I was hoping it was just random so I just continued to read but it wasn’t 5 minutes later another one hit. Just as hard as the first. So I called the nurse and she came in and immediately hooked me up to the monitors. It confirmed that I was having contractions so I made my first phone call to Jamie. Of course, this was our worst case scenario – I’d go into labor while he was at work and there was no one even in the room with me! He called his dad to come sit with me and I told Jamie I’d call him back after we talked to the resident. The resident came in and decided that since I was having contractions every 2.5-4 minutes and they were pretty strong that it was time to check me. I told her my husband was at work and asked if I should have him come back and she said yes. So his Dad called him and Jamie broke every speed limit and law driving back. But I was so glad to see him when he walked in. The contractions were coming very strong and I was having a hard time breathing through them. I told the resident I should have brushed up on my breathing techniques – I wasn’t ready for that yet! In the meantime they had checked me and I was already at a 4.

So they brought us the news that since I was already at a 4 and the contractions were so strong there was no way to stop the baby coming so we were going in for a c-section at 4 pm. So this all happened in less than 2 hours. Things were pretty crazy from there. Nurses everywhere hooking up my IV’s, changing my clothes, getting Jamie his scrubs, giving me meds, etc. And of course the whole time I’m contracting and focusing on getting through those. Then they wheeled me out of the room and down to the operating room….

Day 2

They did another sonogram at the hospital which showed that the baby was doing okay inside, even without much fluid (my level was down to 1.7).  They were concerned about a placenta abrupture (where the placenta tears away from the wall of the uterus) but my OB wasn't as concerned since I wasn't having any bleeding or pain. 

After the 24 hours of magnesium they took me off of that and promised a move to a new room with a different bed.  The room I was in up to this point was a delivery room and those beds are not designed for sleeping in for a few nights.  They're for giving birth.  So after I finished the magnesium and because I wasn't having any contractions and baby was doing good, they moved us to the post partum section of the labor and delivery floor.   This bed is so much more comfortable - it actually has a mattress! 
My mom and sister hooked me up with lots of movies to watch, several have brought in books for me, crossword puzzles, suduko, my aunt is going to teach me how to knit....coming up with lots of things to do to keep me busy.   So far it hasn't been bad cause there are plenty of visitors - especially since my sister-in-law had her baby today here.   He had to go to the NICU for some observation, but we have lots of family here.

Today we also met the neo-natologist who will be taking care of the baby while he is in the NICU.   He seemed very knowledgeable and told us a lot about what we could expect for the baby once he's born and what the NICU will be like.   The biggest concern is the baby's lungs, however he did mention that since the baby is small for his gestational age, that could work in his favor because he has been "fighting" harder to grow so he might be stronger than a baby that was bigger. But being smaller leaves him more susceptible to infection.  He told us I can try to nurse as soon as the baby is stable enough, although the sucking reflex doesn't usually kick in till 34-35 weeks so if he's born before that it might just be skin to skin contact more than anything.  But I can start pumping right away and they will feed him my breastmilk through his feeding tube. We also learned that kids under 12 aren't allowed in the NICU so it will be a long time before Hudson will get to see his little brother.  That's going to be hard to explain to him, not sure how we'll do that.