Jamie and I spent the afternoon at the NICU together. I was able to hold him skin to skin for an hour and a half today. That’s the longest they have allowed me to so far. The nurse said as long as his body temp was okay we could go longer than an hour and she checked it after an hour and it was fine. I held him again in the nursing position and this time I expressed a little bit of milk and he smacked his lips. At one point he latched on and sucked a little again. All of his vitals look great while I’m holding him – his respirations drop low (which is good cause it means he’s relaxing) and he’s very content.
At noon they increased his milk to 12 ml every 3 hours. They are now increasing it by 1ml every 9 hours instead of every 12. His bilirubin was back down to 5 so they took him off the lights again. Hopefully now that he’s older, having dirty diapers and gaining weight he won’t have to go back under them. They also moved him to a new isolette today. This one is a little bit smaller which gives us more room around his bedside and the nurse said the one he was in was for babies who need more intensive care, which he hasn’t needed, so he got the upgrade. And the biggest news of the day – Tate gained 50 grams today!! That’s the most he has gained so far and 5x more than what he gained the last 2 days. He is now up to 2 lbs 14 oz – one ounce more than his birthweight.
I had two pumping sessions today – in a row – in which I didn’t get very much milk. Which led to me stressing about it which probably then led to the next session being lower since I was stressed. Thankfully the next session was good and all the rest since then have been fine so it is not a cause for concern at this point. The nurse today told me we have our own shelf in the freezer now because Tate has so much milk, so that’s good. St. Joe has a breastfeeding clinic that I can call or go in and see a lactation consultant if I am having problems, so if it happens again I will probably go in and talk with them about taking some herbal supplements to help increase my supply. It’s one of the things I really stress about that by the time he gets home my milk supply will be gone and we won’t be able to nurse. But as long as I keep pumping every 2 hours it should be fine. In fact, if he were to never nurse (it pains me to even think it) I should be able to keep pumping for a year or longer as long as I do it regularly.
I had another rough, emotional afternoon because I feel so torn between spending my time with Tate and with Hudson. I feel bad because, honestly, I’d rather be with Tate right now but I know Hudson needs me too. When we left for the hospital Hudson was very upset. He kept saying “I want to go with you” and even went and got his own socks and shoes (his church sandals!) and was trying to put them on. When he couldn’t get them on he put them in my bag I carry back and forth to the hospital and said “I want to go with you.” Broke my heart. So after we held Tate I had a breakdown about whether to stay with Tate for the rest of the afternoon or go home and spend some time with Hudson. Jamie and I talked it out and I decided to go back home with Hudson. Jamie and I stopped and rented “The Jungle Book” and Hudson and I snuggled in my bed and ate popcorn and watched the movie. Hudson loved it. Definitely made his day for me to spend all that time with him. He kept saying “You aren’t leaving are you?” “Will you stay with me forever?” I even took a nap while we watched the movie which made me realize that was the first time I have laid down for a nap since I was discharged from the hospital. Probably another reason my milk supply was low and my stress level was so high. So I am going to try harder to get more rest, but then I didn’t go to bed till 1 am and couldn’t go back to sleep after I pumped at 5:30 until 7, then we were up at 8:30. So not really doing great with that so far. Although if I can continue to do the skin to skin with Tate I can nap with him for an hour every day, which definitely will help my stress level!
Tate is going to be a Daddy’s boy. He always wakes up and opens his eyes when he hears Jamie’s voice. It’s awesome to see that connection forming already. Jamie and I went back up to the NICU at nine and held him again. Jamie held him first and Tate had his eyes wide open and kept smiling. Then I held him for about and hour and a half again skin to skin before we came home and went to bed.
I did want to take a minute and thank everyone out there for your prayers and support for Tate, myself, Jamie and Hudson. Two weeks ago, neither Jamie or myself could have ever imagined this is where we were headed. I was a healthy, 30 year old pregnant woman with no history of health problems, or pregnancy complications. All that changed in an instant. Even after my water broke I didn't really grasp the seriousness of it for awhile. I never would have thought I could make it through a trial like this, but I know it is only because of your prayers and support, and by the grace of God, that we can, and will, make it through to the day we bring Tate home.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I am weak right now. I can't make it through a day without breaking down. Sometimes I can't even make it an hour. But He is making me strong.
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| Hudson "helping" Daddy shave off his beard. |
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| Tate's new bed |
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