Day 6, Friday, November 19

The day I have been dreading is here. The resident came in at 6:30 and said she’d have my staples removed today and they’d get me home. But Dr. Jensen hadn’t usually been coming around till 1 pm so I figured I still had some time. Morning went by, afternoon went by, no one removed my staples and Dr. Jensen never came by. I was hoping that Dr. Jensen forgot about me and I’d get to stay one more night. Postpone the inevitable…

Late Thursday night they moved us to yet another room. But this one was an upgrade to a queen size bed that Jamie could sleep in with me. They needed the room we were in for another mom in preterm labor so they asked if we would mind moving. I didn’t care but Jamie was all for sleeping in a real bed. He said it was like we were on vacation! He hasn’t gotten much sleep this whole week. He’s been sleeping on a cot or a tiny pull out bed every night. He gets up every few hours and goes to the NICU to check on Tate, then he’s up every few hours helping me go the bathroom or pump or whatever else I need. The nurses aren’t in and out as much any more but they like to come in around 6 am to check my vitals so that usually wakes us up for the day. I realized last night that I have never once asked him how he’s dealing with all of this. He hasn’t complained once about helping me. Just gets up and does it – half the time without me even asking. No wonder I love him.

This morning Jamie spent some one on one time with Hudson. Overall he has handled this last week really well but when he left Thursday night he cried and cried for Jamie to go with him so we set up his schedule for the day so they could spend some time together. Jamie took him to Best Buy to pick up our new digital camera (Ours has been broken for a year and I wanted to replace it before the baby came. That didn’t happen but after Jamie dropped it again yesterday it really wasn’t working.) and to the bookstore to get me a journal to have to write stuff down as the nurses give us updates, or I think of something that needs to get done at the house, etc. They both had a good time together.

When Jamie got back we went down to see and hold Tate for a little while. He is still under the UV lights but his bilirubin has gone down to 5 so that is good news. The nurse told us that once he’s not under the lights anymore we should get to hold him more than just 30 minutes 2 times a day. I know it will just be a gradual increase since he can’t handle too much stimulation but those are the best times when we get to hold him so I am looking forward to have more time each day. I’m really looking forward to getting to bottlefeed him whenever that time comes too. I am guessing it’s still 2 weeks or so but it will be awesome to have that connection with him. He’s now up to eating 6 ml at every feeding and his tummy is still digesting it. He gained 1ounce today. His nurse said he is quite the wiggle worm. He doesn’t like to lay still and will wiggle out of his wrap that he lies in and he hates having the mask over his eyes for the UV lights. He gets it off all the time. Today switched from a full mask to a smaller one that just goes over his eyes. When we held him this afternoon the nurse didn’t come right back after 30 minutes and tell us our time was up, and we weren’t about to tell her our time was up so we got to hold him for about an hour in the afternoon.

While we were visiting Tate around 6 pm Dr. Jensen finally came by and gave my discharge orders. So we didn’t talk to him but the nurses came in around 8 to do their shift change and said we had been discharged but there was no hurry. We just had to be gone by midnight. So we planned to go hold him again after his 9 pm assessment and then we’d let the nurse know we were ready and they’d get started on my discharge.

When we went to the NICU there had been a shift change and his night nurse was on. As I was washing my hands I told her we’d like to hold him after she finished his assessment and she said “Well, Carolyn said you held him for an hour already today and that’s all you are allowed right now.” Well, that was all it took. I had been dreading this for so long and the tears just started flowing. She took one look at me and said “Okay, I’ll let you hold him for just 30 minutes.” Then when Jamie explained we were getting discharged, she said, “of course you’ll hold him then.” But at that point I couldn’t stop so I ended up crying most of the time I held him. Tate was very alert and looking at us and again, it was a great bonding time, despite the tears.

The discharge was uneventful – staple removal didn’t even hurt and I had been worried about that all day. After everything was loaded in the car and we were ready to go we walked down to say goodnight to Tate and then headed home. It was a weird feeling leaving the hospital and driving home without him. But, as Jamie said, we know it’s where he needs to be and we wouldn’t want to be bringing him home as he is right now anyway. So we’ll adjust, or just take it day by day, and figure out when to come see him and how long to be with him until he’s ready to come home. It was weird for me to leave the hospital. I hadn’t been outside in 6 days. Our house was weird to come home to (Thanks to mom and Traci for cleaning and washing sheets and towels and getting the house ready for us to come home too.) without Hudson or Tate. Jamie unloaded the car while I pumped and then we went to bed. I got up twice during the night to pump. At 3 am I called Tate’s nurse to check on him. She said right before feeding time he got really fussy and she thinks he must have been hungry and was letting it be known. It’s really weird to have to set an alarm to remind me to get up and pump every 2 hours, instead of just waiting for the baby to wake me up. I’m using my cell phone alarm during the day to remind me, although since my milk has started coming in it’s a little easier to remember! We woke up at 5 and drove back over to see Tate before the NICU closed for shift change. Then we took Hudson out for breakfast. So we survived our first (half) night away from him. Without any more tears even, after the NICU episode!

We also talked today about praying for Tate and I told Jamie that I would like to find a devotional book geared towards mom’s with preemies because I am having a hard time praying for Tate. I have a hard time getting past, “Dear God, thank you…” Jamie said that pretty much sums it up and God knows everything else I want to say. I know that we are so blessed that Tate is doing so well and that things could be so much harder and he could be struggling so much more. But he’s not. He is doing amazing. Every time I get to hold him I am amazed by how tiny, yet perfect, his little body is and the fact that it’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing, at such an early gestational age, is a miracle. So “Dear God, thank you”.