Day 4

Definitely the roughest day physically.  I just have to say, having done a natural vaginal birth and now a c-section - I would never voluntarily choose to have a c-section.  I have never had any kind of surgery before, or even a broken bone, so this kind of pain is very different from anything I have ever experienced. And I never want to experience it again.  Wow.   Although I tried to get out of bed several times I was way too dizzy to stand up for more than a minute or two before I had to lay back down.  So that was rough cause I was really trying hard to get up so I could go see Tate but was getting really frustrated that I couldn't do it.  We thought it was from the painkillers I was taking so I didn't take any after 10 am hoping ot get it out of my system.  But the dizziness was just as bad by 6 pm, which should have been plenty of time for it to clear out of my system, so we decided to try taking the painkillers again. 

Jamie went in to see Tate every couple hours and kept coming back with good reports.  Today they started feeding him (breastmilk that I have been pumping) through a feeding tube.  He gets 3 ml every 3 hours.  He still is breathing great on his own.  His bilirubin levels were a little high so they do have him under UV lights to get that down.  They also are allowing us to hold him 2 times a day now - once every 12 hours - for about 30 minutes, as long as he tolerates the stimulation okay.  So Jamie got to hold him for the first time about 3 pm this afternoon. He also got to change his diaper. 

By evening I was determined to get to the NICU to hold Tate.  I told Jamie he could just pick me up, throw me in the wheelchair, revive me if I pass out, and then wheel me down there.  I didn't care by that point - I just wanted to get down there.   The night nurse did promise that if I didn't make it down in the wheelchair she would wheel my bed down once things slowed down.  But I took a painkiller with dinner and although I was still really dizzy when I got up, I made it to the wheelchair without passing out and once I sat there for a little bit was feeling good enough to go down to the NICU. 

I was able to hold him for about 15 minutes and he woke up a little and looked at me. His eyes are the same grey color Hudson's were when he was a baby.  And he has Hudson's nose and lips as well, I think.  He definitely reminds me of Hudson when he was a newborn.  His IV in his arm did come out so they moved it to a vein in the front of his head.  I do not like looking at that.  Looks painful but they said it's usually the best place and the easiest one to keep in.  They fed him while we were there.  They suction his stomach every time before they feed him the next feeding to make sure that he is digesting his food okay and he is doing fine with that.  

The goal for tomorrow is to get myself out of bed and walking.  I'm kind of torn about it because I know once I am up and moving they'll send me home and I don't want to leave since I have to leave without Tate.  So the longer I am here is okay with me so that I can see him more often and easily.  I am dreading leaving the hospital without him and still trying to figure out what we do from here.  How often do we come back to visit?  How long do we stay?  They have "mother" rooms that I can stay in 24 hours so should I stay in those for awhile?  Just lots of questions....

 

Hudson bought this little monkey for his baby brother.  He got it at Build A Bear and when you squeeze its tummy it has a recording inside it that is Hudson saying "I love you baby brother!"   Of course, the monkey is like 3 times the size of Tate!